May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
dude. I can hear the air.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
