you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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