just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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