Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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