Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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