fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
