my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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