Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
