What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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