i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
