My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
