I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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