xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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