maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
