hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she looked like the before picture.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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