I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
