You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
