Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
