You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
