he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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