When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
