the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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