i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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