1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is Oprah even human
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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