My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
