She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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