You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize