Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
