How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
