i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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