Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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