Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
