Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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