Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
