I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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