Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize
