i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
