NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
