This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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