So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
