Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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