ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
