u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize