Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
