i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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