There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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