I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
