I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
