I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
