it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There r osticjed everywhere
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
