i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
