i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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