How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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