Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
this beer tastes like vomit already
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
