So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
