The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
