Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
