if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
