I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
