why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize