He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
