OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
