i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
