so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have aggressive nipples.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
