Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Randomize
