Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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