Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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