oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
