The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
